Sometimes your baby doesn’t want to go in a sling or baby carrier. Here are some things to check so you can adapt the way you’re carrying, in order to keep little one happy.
If, after trying all these things, your baby still isn’t happy about being carried, it might point to something else going on. Perhaps there’s an issue with digestion and your baby doesn’t like the feeling of her chest against yours. Perhaps there’s an issue with her joints or muscles affecting her posture and alignment – which there often can be from being in the womb or a difficult birth – and it’s just not comfortable to go in the carrier. Your GP may be able to help, or an Osteopath can identify and treat otherwise invisible conditions, so if you’re concerned in any way do get your little one checked out. A babywearing consultant can help you to find a way to carry your child even if something like this is going on – but do get medical advice first.
1. She’s too hot
Even if it’s not summer, your baby can overheat. Take care to dress her in layers you can take off when she’s hot or add when she’s cold. Remember the wrap or carrier itself is equivalent to several layers of clothing, so if it is warm, you can dress your baby in no more than a vest sleepsuit and nappy, and layer-up over the top. Baby legwarmers are brilliant for this – to cover up baby’s legs or baby’s arms if she’s getting a little chilly, and take of when she warms up.
Some carriers are designed for warmer weather. Linen and bamboo blends can be good; some buckle carriers like JPMBB PhysioCarrier, Beco 8 and Beco Gemini Cool have mesh fabric which allows the air through keeping you both cooler.
A word of warning – snowsuits have no place in a baby carrier. They are better suited to when you baby is in a buggy, and doesn’t have you close by for extra warmth. The thickness of the fabric together with the star-shape posture your baby is forced into, are no good for getting a good position in the carrier, or maintaining a comfortable temperature.
2. She’s too cold
Even if it’s not winter, your baby can get cold! Remember to check your baby’s arms, legs and feet regularly to make sure they feel warm. Trousers and leggings will inevitably ride up; socks and shoes can fall off. Where it’s close to yours, her body should keep warm, but do make sure you have enough layers over you both too. Also a good babywearing hat will keep her neck, shoulders, ears and top of her head nice and warm (and it shouldn’t fall off).
Babywearing fleeces and jackets are great as they can go over you both, but you can also use your old maternity cardigans and coats, or maybe borrow something from your partner, or find something a few sizes too big in a charity shop.
If it’s wet out, be mindful that the carrier is not waterproof and the rain can get through, and make your baby cold. There are some excellent carrier covers and raincoats out there, but if the budget doesn’t allow, you can adapt a simple pac-a-mac or poncho style waterproof to go over the carrier and your baby.
You can read my blog about what to wear over winter when babywearing here.
3. She’s uncomfortable
No-one wants to be uncomfortable. Babies will normally let you know if their nappies are uncomfortably wet, or full – but you don’t want this to happen when you’ve just spent ten minutes getting them into the carrier. Check her nappy before popping her in.
Clothing also needs to be nice and comfortable, your and hers. Be mindful of your own belt-buckles, buttons, poppers, zips, pockets etc. and dress yourself in simple clothes if you can when you’re using the carrier. For her, babygrows with feet can become uncomfortable if they ride up. So if your baby wears one of these, ensure it nice and baggy to start with, and check from time to time that the fabric part around the feet is not squashing their toes. If it is, give the fabric a little tug to pull it back down, and keep checking. Tights (even on boys) can be a better option as they generally stretch a bit more.
The carrier itself can become uncomfortable. A good knee to knee position will support her whole bottom and thigh area, but watch that you are not overextending her legs in a carrier that is too big. If you don’t have the carrier supporting ‘knee to knee’, i.e. from the knee pit on one leg, the thigh, bottom and thigh back down to the knee the other side, it can put pressure on your child’s thighs where the fabric stops. If your carrier is not an ergonomic one with a wide seat then the pressure will be on the nappy area. If you think your carrier is getting a bit small, it could be time to move on to a bigger one.
The fabric of a wrap or carrier should not have folds and creases across your baby’s back. This will feel lumpy and uncomfortable, and can cause the back panel of a carrier to be lower and therefore lacking the back support the carrier should be giving. In a wrap, bring these extra folds downwards towards baby’s bottom and knees, where it the excess fabric can provide additional support. In a soft-structured carrier or meh dai style, ensure the panel is flat against your baby’s back by pulling it up and jiggling baby downwards into her seat at the same time. Try to smooth down any clothing underneath the carrier as well.
If your child seems to hate having her arms inside the carrier try putting them outside. If she hates her arms outside, try putting them in. You will need to adjust the height of the carrier in order to do this, which may or may not be possible with your carrier. Meh dai carriers are generally the easiest carrier to do this with as you can shorten the height of the panel by wearing high up towards your boobs, and having more of the carrier between you and baby, and under your baby’s bottom. If your baby likes her arms out, ensure the carrier is supporting her up to her armpits, but also that it is not squeezing, rubbing or pinching her in the armpit area.
4. She’s tired
You may want to use the sling to help with your baby’s naps, or to calm her down before bed. Either way, you’d think when your baby’s tired then that’s the perfect time to get them into the carrier. Well, it can be, but not always. If she’s agitated already, and too tired, it can be pretty difficult to get that carrier comfortable, or get the wrap tight enough when she’s wriggling around.
You may need to just hold her in arms until she drops off, and then secure a carrier around her whilst sleeping. Tomorrow, when it’s coming up for nap-time or bed-time again, give yourself a bit more time to get your baby into the sling before you think she’ll actually drop off. You may be surprised at how easily she drops off when you didn’t even think she was tired yet.
5. She’s hungry, thirsty or wants comfort milk
Being close to mum’s boobs can be the cause of a lot of upset if you’re not allowed to have any milk! Many babies will be able to smell milk when close to mum’s breasts, even if you’ve recently weaned and aren’t even breastfeeding. And if they are that close, a baby will see no reason why they can’t just have some of that yummy milk.
So that is your option 1 – your baby wants some milk, and the carrier is a great place to feed them. I’m going to write another blog very soon on slings and breastfeeding so watch out for that. But in the meantime, if your baby wants milk, give them milk. Even if they’ve just fed. A breastfed baby won’t over-eat, and if they seem to just want to feed all the time, then it’s more about comfort and knowing mum is there, than the milk.
Option 2 however might suit you better if you are trying to wean off the breast – and that is take your baby out the carrier. Alternative options are to start carrying on your back, or let someone else do the carrying for a bit. At least until your baby stops associating being so close to your boobs with getting milk.
6. She’s busy
A baby who wants to learn and play and do stuff may not want to go in a carrier because that takes her away from her explorations! Try clipping some small toys on to the carrier for her to play with. There are also specially designed fiddle necklaces that can be a good source of entertainment. It’s probably wise to minimise the time your child is in the sling when she wants to play and do her own thing, and let her know how long she can expect to be ‘up’ for before she can get down and play again. I’m a believer in being honest with your child, and keeping her informed of what you need to do and why, and what she will see along the way – she’ll understand. The sling is a great place to learn from, especially language and social skills (read the blog I wrote about that here).
7. She’s nosy
This final one is really why I started writing this piece. All babies have nosey periods, when they want to see everything. There is a period around 4-5 months when everything everywhere becomes fascinating and they have to see it. Your baby will find it difficult to focus on feeding, sleeping, and relaxing – they must be looking around all the time! But after this development period, all babies will be interested more in the world around them. To what degree may depend on their personality.
This is normally the point at which a parent will decide it’s time to use a forward-facing carrier. Which is one solution of course. There are now some great carriers that adapt for a forward-facing position, but they tend to be expensive, and it’s not the only answer.
A hip carry, especially for a child under 12 months can be a better solution. It will be kinder on your back and shoulders for one. The facing-out position forces your child’s centre of gravity away from you, and will probably put a strain on your neck and shoulders.
Being cuddled on the hip is a very natural position, and most mums especially hold their child like this. It might even be why as a female, we have wide hips as in evolutionary terms it was beneficial to be able to carry your child like this. Millions of years later we’ve developed into a species that uses tools to make life even easier, so we can use a tool to hold your baby on the hip and free up your arms!
Held in this way, you child can see what’s going on. They’re not constantly trying to turn around to see what’s behind them, which can seem like they’re trying to climb out of a carrier. They can also see you. And they can take a nap on your shoulder.
Ring Slings
Ring slings are great hip carriers. There is also a buckle carrier that is designed especially for hip carries called Scootababy – this is surprisingly very comfortable! And you will find that most ordinary buckle carriers will adapt to do a hip carry – if they are designed to cross on your back, and have buckles that open and re-clip. Original Ergo, Tula, Manduca, Boba 4G will not do this! But Ergo360 will, as will JPMBB Physio, Beco 8, Connecta, and lots more.
Back Carries
As your baby turns into a toddler, you may find you both prefer to have her on your back. In a carrier worn high enough that she can see over your shoulders, she may be far happier than one where she’s facing you. As she grows taller, you may find it less convenient to have her head in front of you, and will find you can do a lot more with her on your back. For safety, there are sling mirrors you can buy that will enable you to see how she’s doing, so you can still keep your eye on her.
So what do I need to do?
My advice to you for a baby that doesn’t seem to want to go in a carrier is try some different things. Once you’ve worked out what your baby doesn’t like about the carrier then you can start to fix it. Listen to your child, and explain to them that you want them to be happy in a carrier close to you, and that you’re going to try some new things or new carriers, or try wearing the carrier differently.
I would also start off carrying for just a couple of minutes, and add 5 minutes a day. If you’re completely new to carrying this could be all you need, just so your baby can get used to the idea, and get used to all the new feels in short bursts.
However, you don’t have to persevere with the same carrier in the same way if your child doesn’t like it! One buckle carrier is different to another buckle carrier, and other types like a ring sling are completely different again.
A sling library can be a place where you can try something new, and hire it – there are also postal sling hires available through sling libraries and retailers. (Here’s the link to the hires available through this site). Above all, don’t be put off slings altogether, as there are so many to choose from.
